Ryder and Rustin...
You don't realize it now, but I put up shields. I work hard to be tough. I try and not share with too many people the problems that plague me. Usually you two boys and Daddy take the brunt of it. I get upset over spilled milk and crumbs in the car. Things that really don't matter.
I haven't told you everything that's going on, but there is something that has been adding to my short temper. It's not your burden to carry and I've tried to protect you from it. I've been praying and I've told you I've been praying. Rustin...you said to me..."Mommy- I'll pray too...that God won't make me so loud and you won't get upset with me.". Oh sweet boy...that was God speaking to Mommy through you. I should be joyous in your excitable spirit that is so hard to contain you find yourself shouting into the Heavens. Today I realized...it's not my burden anymore than it's yours...I just have to release it to Him. I don't think I was ever fully willing to do that...but He made himself very present to me this morning. So present that I was moved to tears by His peace. Peace, Love, Joy...all together in one place.
I watched you both... the two biggest accomplishments of my life walk into church this morning. We were at the chapel right by your new school. A school I was torn over all last year and summer. Was it the right place to send you or not? Every sign in the road pointed in its direction and that's the place we went. You are there together and it is so small and very close to home. As I sat in church watching you...I could hardly believe that you belong to your Daddy and me! You are so handsome and so grown up. The church was filled with children ranging from 3 years old to 14 years old and not a one of you made a peep... all of the sudden an angelic voice from above me started singing..."Lord Prepare Me...to be a Sanctuary..."....after the first chorus all of you began singing...there was no music behind your voices...it was just you. Tears ran down my face...I hadn't heard that song in so many years...but it was exactly the answer I've been looking for.
God is humbling. He puts forward what is most important in our lives...and even if it hurts in the process aren't we all better off in the end? It's all part of the preparation to be a Sanctuary for Him.
We'll keep praying. Pray for Grandaddy and that the doctors can make him healthy again, pray for Grandpa and that the doctors can free his back of pain without complications, and pray for all of us who love them so dearly!
Love you my sweet boys more than you love eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch...and that my angels is a lot of loving!
http://youtu.be/9waGwqp2yfI
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
Back to School
We started a brand new school today.
I'm almost positive it was harder on me than it was on my precious boys.
It's hard for me to give you up...a friend of mine wrote out some words of wisdom today given from her father- "Give them the roots to ground them and the wings to fly.". I'll do my best to keep doing just that, but know my sweet boys, how hard it is for me to let you go...
...Each year you grow a little taller and take a few more steps away from me. I pray for you daily...prayers for independence and fruitful lives...but I also promise not to move from this place I am standing...and I hope that you will always remember the way back to us whenever you may need it. I love you more than cotton candy and water slides...and that my love-monkeys is a lot of loving! Here is to the most wonderful school year!
I'm almost positive it was harder on me than it was on my precious boys.
It's hard for me to give you up...a friend of mine wrote out some words of wisdom today given from her father- "Give them the roots to ground them and the wings to fly.". I'll do my best to keep doing just that, but know my sweet boys, how hard it is for me to let you go...
...Each year you grow a little taller and take a few more steps away from me. I pray for you daily...prayers for independence and fruitful lives...but I also promise not to move from this place I am standing...and I hope that you will always remember the way back to us whenever you may need it. I love you more than cotton candy and water slides...and that my love-monkeys is a lot of loving! Here is to the most wonderful school year!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Time Out
I absolutely love everything about you...
...even the way you do time-out melts my heart and makes me laugh all at the same time. Oh, and I absolutely can not believe that this time next month you will be 5-years old...oh Rustin...please slow down. XoXo
Thursday, July 17, 2014
A letter for Ryder
Ryder,
I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. There are days you and your brother drive me absolutely crazy. You are loud together and you know exactly which buttons to push to make the other blow up like a stick of dynamite. You'll purposely shut the refrigerator door on his fingers and he'll bust you into tomorrow as payback. I usually stand there not quite sure what to say (because as parents we don't really have the answers...we just make things up as we go) and then play referee until the next battle.
At the end of these days...I lay in my bed...you and Rustin are usually both sound asleep in your rooms. My throat starts to swell, and my body stiffens because I realize how limited this time we have together is. I usually jump straight out of bed and dart across the house as your Dad asks..."What in the world are you doing?". I lay next to you both in your beds. I gently push your hair back and kiss your sweet foreheads and freckled noses...holding on tight because I know it won't always be like this.
This morning started off like it always does. Rustin was up early and you were too shortly after him. The rain was about to start coming down outside and we were staying home. I made donuts because our mornings at home are rare and we normally don't have time to bake from scratch on a weekday morning. I was on the phone, you and Rustin were screaming over I'm not sure what, and Charlie was going crazy in his crate. After the batter was finished and the donuts were baked...you weren't a fan of them....
...but you did love the pink frosting we dipped them in. At least I could rest assured knowing Rustin loved them. Let's be honest...if sugar is a main ingredient he won't turn it down.
Just as we started cleaning up, you put Charlie outside. Before I could get soap in the sink, you were back inside shouting that Charlie had dug some tiny bunnies out of the ground. They were scattered on the porch and in the yard. I knew we couldn't leave the rabbits on the back porch until Daddy got home and I knew I couldn't bare to scoop them up myself.
I offered to pay you $5.00 for every rabbit you could rescue and put in the field next door. You were awesome. We were a team..we said a prayer for each bunny and told them how much fun they'd have with Autumn and Blue if they got the chance to go to heaven. Then we got to that last bunny. That poor last bunny...it squeaked and twitched as you went to scoop him up. Thank goodness we got him back in his bunny hole...I love how tender your heart was as you fretted over whether or not he was o.k. We both realized he wasn't going to make it and we gave him a name, "Squeaky" and a proper place to rest...complete with a cross made from sticks.
After we made it back inside, you told me that you really did like the donuts. I'm not sure if this was true or if you just wanted to make me feel good after everything we had both just experienced. Either way...my heart is full. One day you will make an excellent husband for a very special lady....but for now I'm savoring the moments we are sharing together.
I love that this place mat we ate donuts off of this morning reminded me of that.
I'll never forget this morning. Oh and you didn't let me forget just how much money I owed you for doing this tough job. I couldn't ask for anything more than what God gave me in you...I am so very grateful. I love you to the moon...and back...over and over again.
I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. There are days you and your brother drive me absolutely crazy. You are loud together and you know exactly which buttons to push to make the other blow up like a stick of dynamite. You'll purposely shut the refrigerator door on his fingers and he'll bust you into tomorrow as payback. I usually stand there not quite sure what to say (because as parents we don't really have the answers...we just make things up as we go) and then play referee until the next battle.
At the end of these days...I lay in my bed...you and Rustin are usually both sound asleep in your rooms. My throat starts to swell, and my body stiffens because I realize how limited this time we have together is. I usually jump straight out of bed and dart across the house as your Dad asks..."What in the world are you doing?". I lay next to you both in your beds. I gently push your hair back and kiss your sweet foreheads and freckled noses...holding on tight because I know it won't always be like this.
This morning started off like it always does. Rustin was up early and you were too shortly after him. The rain was about to start coming down outside and we were staying home. I made donuts because our mornings at home are rare and we normally don't have time to bake from scratch on a weekday morning. I was on the phone, you and Rustin were screaming over I'm not sure what, and Charlie was going crazy in his crate. After the batter was finished and the donuts were baked...you weren't a fan of them....
...but you did love the pink frosting we dipped them in. At least I could rest assured knowing Rustin loved them. Let's be honest...if sugar is a main ingredient he won't turn it down.
Just as we started cleaning up, you put Charlie outside. Before I could get soap in the sink, you were back inside shouting that Charlie had dug some tiny bunnies out of the ground. They were scattered on the porch and in the yard. I knew we couldn't leave the rabbits on the back porch until Daddy got home and I knew I couldn't bare to scoop them up myself.
I offered to pay you $5.00 for every rabbit you could rescue and put in the field next door. You were awesome. We were a team..we said a prayer for each bunny and told them how much fun they'd have with Autumn and Blue if they got the chance to go to heaven. Then we got to that last bunny. That poor last bunny...it squeaked and twitched as you went to scoop him up. Thank goodness we got him back in his bunny hole...I love how tender your heart was as you fretted over whether or not he was o.k. We both realized he wasn't going to make it and we gave him a name, "Squeaky" and a proper place to rest...complete with a cross made from sticks.
After we made it back inside, you told me that you really did like the donuts. I'm not sure if this was true or if you just wanted to make me feel good after everything we had both just experienced. Either way...my heart is full. One day you will make an excellent husband for a very special lady....but for now I'm savoring the moments we are sharing together.
I love that this place mat we ate donuts off of this morning reminded me of that.
I'll never forget this morning. Oh and you didn't let me forget just how much money I owed you for doing this tough job. I couldn't ask for anything more than what God gave me in you...I am so very grateful. I love you to the moon...and back...over and over again.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Toothless
This is the smile he gives when he is really excited and very proud of himself.
Something huge happened today...something every kid dreams about and then wonders when it will be their turn.
Today was his turn....Ryder is toothless! We wiggled and jiggled, he took bites of hard foods, we talked about a piece of string and a door knob...but didn't actually do it, and finally we pulled that tiny tooth out together! Excitement doesn't even begin to explain his reaction. Love you sweet boy!!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
The Charlie Stare
Giving me the ugly stare first thing in the morning...it was all over a cupcake he really wanted for breakfast.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
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