I know you want Grandpa here for your birthday today...and I promise he is...I can hear him from Heaven saying, "Happy Birthday, Ryder! Grandpa Loves You!".
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Happy Birthday Sweet Boy
Today as we are still mourning the loss of a huge piece of our family puzzle, we have to pause and give thanks for the sweetest gift in the world God could of given us 7-years ago today. As Ryder watched his Grandma weep yesterday....he sat with her. Through her tears she said, "Ryder- I wish Grandpa could hold me again and give me one more kiss".....he gently leaned into her, wrapped his arms around her, and gently kissed her cheek saying, "I'm here. I'll do it for Grandpa." All I can think is how thankful that sweet man must be in heaven, that your still on this earth helping to carry out any loose ends left undone... like kissing his love one last time. Happy Birthday my angel on earth...we'd all be very lost without your love.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Broken
I am without words. We are devastated. Life is entirely too
short. Without any notice we lost our patriarch. My husband's father was one of the best
men in the entire world. It is hard to put one foot in front of the
other today and I'm left here wondering if tomorrow will be any easier.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Grandpa at Rustin's 5th birthday party on September 7, 2014.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Homework
Ryder,
There is no doubt this is your least favorite part of the day. You and Rustin begrudgingly sit at the dining room table. It's homework time. For the record...I totally get it... who honestly wants to come home and do more work after sitting in a desk and learning all day? Unfortunately, it still has to be done.
Rustin pretends to be busy, but really just plays with two pencils and stares out the window.
You and I banter back and forth...you let out loud groans....I preach to you about how groaning won't miraculously get it done...you make frequent subject changers while dropping your pencil on the floor for the dog to chew into a zillion pieces. I'm almost positive you're secretly hoping their won't be another pencil in the house and we'll be forced to stop for the afternoon. Before too long I start to feel like the guy sitting behind you in this picture.
Then just as it starts to get way too serious for a first-grade boy and his thirty-something year old Momma...Rustin brings us both back to the center with a costume change into a blanket turned cape, and a high-pitch super-hero voice...and neither of us can contain our laughter.
See it's crazy...because your least favorite part of the day is my favorite. I'm with you....I'm with both of you...and for this moment you're 100% mine... and I'm forever grateful.
I love you both more than you love Fridays with no homework...and that my sweet boys is a lot of loving!
Thursday, September 4, 2014
The Dress
I walked into my closet this evening and pulled out "the dress" from the plastic that the cleaners had wrapped it in after I wore it last. You know "the dress"...everyone has one or at least I assume everyone has one. The dress you wear when someone gets married and the same dress you wear when someone you've loved moves onto heaven.
She was my grandfather's baby sister which made her my great aunt. God doesn't make them any better than my sweet Aunt Irma. Tomorrow morning, I'll put "the dress" on for her.
She is in some of my very first memories. I had this old blanket when I was little that I refused to give up and for some reason my parents didn't feel the need for me to give it up either. Picking battles I suppose. I kept it by my side always and she loved to tell me she was going to take it from me. It was a game and I knew full well she'd never really keep it.
As kids we caught lightening bugs in the cul-de-sac in front of her house and played cards at her kitchen table. She lived in Wal-Mart country and you were hard pressed to find a prouder citizen of Northwest Arkansas. She loved big and always said..."Joychelle- you know Jesus loves you and so does Aunt Irma.". Parking upfront at a store was a sign of "Good Clean Living". Her theory on company..."It's a lot like fish. After 3 days it starts to stink.". (We must've been pretty stinky growing up because I know there were summers we stayed longer than 3 days.) She always watched what she ate...watched it go straight in her mouth that is. Oh and absolutely nothing made her prouder than being "Another Happy Methodist"....just ask the bumper sticker on the back of her car.
She was always there...never the center of attention...but always making sure nothing frayed. She was there when my Grandfather left us 25 years ago. Even after he passed she never left her post as my grandmother's sister-in-law and best friend. She was there when my grandmother re-married to a man who was a good man, but not her big brother...and together she and my Mom stood tall. That's what Keightley's did....stand tall. She was there when my grandmother fell ill to strokes and heart surgeries...to hold my Mom tall. She was there for countless drives to Colorado. She was there when I got my marriage license and stayed until the day I got married...making endless bouquets of flowers and holding my Mom tall. She was there when my sister got married...repeating endless bouquets of flowers and holding my Mom tall. She was there when my Grandmother was called to heaven and she's been there for weekly Sunday talks...always holding my Mom tall. Through it all...she'd brag on my Dad for putting up with all of us girls...and was never happier for him than the day Ryder was born.
I am still not sure how she spread herself like she did. We were just her niece's but she had three children of her own, six grandchildren, great grandchildren and she somehow always found a way to reach her love to each and every one of us.
She'd spit nails if she knew I sold our tickets to the Aggie football game, cancelled work, missed Rustin's birthday celebration at school and drove 6-hours one-way to Arkansas only to turn around and come 6-hours back home the same day just for her. She'd say..."Well for heaven's sake..why would you cancel all of that and drive all this way...you won't even get to see me!". And to that I'd say...because nobody taught us that you do for family better than you did. You did it for us all those years....and there is no place I'd rather be than in Northwest Arkansas saying good-bye one last time.
So tomorrow morning, I'll put on "the dress" and count my lucky stars that it has bright pink and orange flowers because in her words "Nobody needs to wear black and sob over little ole' me!"....and I'll celebrate the 91 years of life that I was so blessed to be a part of...even if only a few of them.
You surely got the very first parking space at Heaven's gate, because nobody lived life cleaner than you did Irma K. Whitehorn. All my love...
She was my grandfather's baby sister which made her my great aunt. God doesn't make them any better than my sweet Aunt Irma. Tomorrow morning, I'll put "the dress" on for her.
She is in some of my very first memories. I had this old blanket when I was little that I refused to give up and for some reason my parents didn't feel the need for me to give it up either. Picking battles I suppose. I kept it by my side always and she loved to tell me she was going to take it from me. It was a game and I knew full well she'd never really keep it.
As kids we caught lightening bugs in the cul-de-sac in front of her house and played cards at her kitchen table. She lived in Wal-Mart country and you were hard pressed to find a prouder citizen of Northwest Arkansas. She loved big and always said..."Joychelle- you know Jesus loves you and so does Aunt Irma.". Parking upfront at a store was a sign of "Good Clean Living". Her theory on company..."It's a lot like fish. After 3 days it starts to stink.". (We must've been pretty stinky growing up because I know there were summers we stayed longer than 3 days.) She always watched what she ate...watched it go straight in her mouth that is. Oh and absolutely nothing made her prouder than being "Another Happy Methodist"....just ask the bumper sticker on the back of her car.
She was always there...never the center of attention...but always making sure nothing frayed. She was there when my Grandfather left us 25 years ago. Even after he passed she never left her post as my grandmother's sister-in-law and best friend. She was there when my grandmother re-married to a man who was a good man, but not her big brother...and together she and my Mom stood tall. That's what Keightley's did....stand tall. She was there when my grandmother fell ill to strokes and heart surgeries...to hold my Mom tall. She was there for countless drives to Colorado. She was there when I got my marriage license and stayed until the day I got married...making endless bouquets of flowers and holding my Mom tall. She was there when my sister got married...repeating endless bouquets of flowers and holding my Mom tall. She was there when my Grandmother was called to heaven and she's been there for weekly Sunday talks...always holding my Mom tall. Through it all...she'd brag on my Dad for putting up with all of us girls...and was never happier for him than the day Ryder was born.
I am still not sure how she spread herself like she did. We were just her niece's but she had three children of her own, six grandchildren, great grandchildren and she somehow always found a way to reach her love to each and every one of us.
She'd spit nails if she knew I sold our tickets to the Aggie football game, cancelled work, missed Rustin's birthday celebration at school and drove 6-hours one-way to Arkansas only to turn around and come 6-hours back home the same day just for her. She'd say..."Well for heaven's sake..why would you cancel all of that and drive all this way...you won't even get to see me!". And to that I'd say...because nobody taught us that you do for family better than you did. You did it for us all those years....and there is no place I'd rather be than in Northwest Arkansas saying good-bye one last time.
So tomorrow morning, I'll put on "the dress" and count my lucky stars that it has bright pink and orange flowers because in her words "Nobody needs to wear black and sob over little ole' me!"....and I'll celebrate the 91 years of life that I was so blessed to be a part of...even if only a few of them.
You surely got the very first parking space at Heaven's gate, because nobody lived life cleaner than you did Irma K. Whitehorn. All my love...
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Sanctuary
Ryder and Rustin...
You don't realize it now, but I put up shields. I work hard to be tough. I try and not share with too many people the problems that plague me. Usually you two boys and Daddy take the brunt of it. I get upset over spilled milk and crumbs in the car. Things that really don't matter.
I haven't told you everything that's going on, but there is something that has been adding to my short temper. It's not your burden to carry and I've tried to protect you from it. I've been praying and I've told you I've been praying. Rustin...you said to me..."Mommy- I'll pray too...that God won't make me so loud and you won't get upset with me.". Oh sweet boy...that was God speaking to Mommy through you. I should be joyous in your excitable spirit that is so hard to contain you find yourself shouting into the Heavens. Today I realized...it's not my burden anymore than it's yours...I just have to release it to Him. I don't think I was ever fully willing to do that...but He made himself very present to me this morning. So present that I was moved to tears by His peace. Peace, Love, Joy...all together in one place.
I watched you both... the two biggest accomplishments of my life walk into church this morning. We were at the chapel right by your new school. A school I was torn over all last year and summer. Was it the right place to send you or not? Every sign in the road pointed in its direction and that's the place we went. You are there together and it is so small and very close to home. As I sat in church watching you...I could hardly believe that you belong to your Daddy and me! You are so handsome and so grown up. The church was filled with children ranging from 3 years old to 14 years old and not a one of you made a peep... all of the sudden an angelic voice from above me started singing..."Lord Prepare Me...to be a Sanctuary..."....after the first chorus all of you began singing...there was no music behind your voices...it was just you. Tears ran down my face...I hadn't heard that song in so many years...but it was exactly the answer I've been looking for.
God is humbling. He puts forward what is most important in our lives...and even if it hurts in the process aren't we all better off in the end? It's all part of the preparation to be a Sanctuary for Him.
We'll keep praying. Pray for Grandaddy and that the doctors can make him healthy again, pray for Grandpa and that the doctors can free his back of pain without complications, and pray for all of us who love them so dearly!
Love you my sweet boys more than you love eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch...and that my angels is a lot of loving!
http://youtu.be/9waGwqp2yfI
You don't realize it now, but I put up shields. I work hard to be tough. I try and not share with too many people the problems that plague me. Usually you two boys and Daddy take the brunt of it. I get upset over spilled milk and crumbs in the car. Things that really don't matter.
I haven't told you everything that's going on, but there is something that has been adding to my short temper. It's not your burden to carry and I've tried to protect you from it. I've been praying and I've told you I've been praying. Rustin...you said to me..."Mommy- I'll pray too...that God won't make me so loud and you won't get upset with me.". Oh sweet boy...that was God speaking to Mommy through you. I should be joyous in your excitable spirit that is so hard to contain you find yourself shouting into the Heavens. Today I realized...it's not my burden anymore than it's yours...I just have to release it to Him. I don't think I was ever fully willing to do that...but He made himself very present to me this morning. So present that I was moved to tears by His peace. Peace, Love, Joy...all together in one place.
I watched you both... the two biggest accomplishments of my life walk into church this morning. We were at the chapel right by your new school. A school I was torn over all last year and summer. Was it the right place to send you or not? Every sign in the road pointed in its direction and that's the place we went. You are there together and it is so small and very close to home. As I sat in church watching you...I could hardly believe that you belong to your Daddy and me! You are so handsome and so grown up. The church was filled with children ranging from 3 years old to 14 years old and not a one of you made a peep... all of the sudden an angelic voice from above me started singing..."Lord Prepare Me...to be a Sanctuary..."....after the first chorus all of you began singing...there was no music behind your voices...it was just you. Tears ran down my face...I hadn't heard that song in so many years...but it was exactly the answer I've been looking for.
God is humbling. He puts forward what is most important in our lives...and even if it hurts in the process aren't we all better off in the end? It's all part of the preparation to be a Sanctuary for Him.
We'll keep praying. Pray for Grandaddy and that the doctors can make him healthy again, pray for Grandpa and that the doctors can free his back of pain without complications, and pray for all of us who love them so dearly!
Love you my sweet boys more than you love eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch...and that my angels is a lot of loving!
http://youtu.be/9waGwqp2yfI
Monday, August 18, 2014
Back to School
We started a brand new school today.
I'm almost positive it was harder on me than it was on my precious boys.
It's hard for me to give you up...a friend of mine wrote out some words of wisdom today given from her father- "Give them the roots to ground them and the wings to fly.". I'll do my best to keep doing just that, but know my sweet boys, how hard it is for me to let you go...
...Each year you grow a little taller and take a few more steps away from me. I pray for you daily...prayers for independence and fruitful lives...but I also promise not to move from this place I am standing...and I hope that you will always remember the way back to us whenever you may need it. I love you more than cotton candy and water slides...and that my love-monkeys is a lot of loving! Here is to the most wonderful school year!
I'm almost positive it was harder on me than it was on my precious boys.
It's hard for me to give you up...a friend of mine wrote out some words of wisdom today given from her father- "Give them the roots to ground them and the wings to fly.". I'll do my best to keep doing just that, but know my sweet boys, how hard it is for me to let you go...
...Each year you grow a little taller and take a few more steps away from me. I pray for you daily...prayers for independence and fruitful lives...but I also promise not to move from this place I am standing...and I hope that you will always remember the way back to us whenever you may need it. I love you more than cotton candy and water slides...and that my love-monkeys is a lot of loving! Here is to the most wonderful school year!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Time Out
I absolutely love everything about you...
...even the way you do time-out melts my heart and makes me laugh all at the same time. Oh, and I absolutely can not believe that this time next month you will be 5-years old...oh Rustin...please slow down. XoXo
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