Thursday, July 17, 2014

A letter for Ryder

I'm going to be perfectly honest with you.  There are days you and your brother drive me absolutely crazy.  You are loud together and you know exactly which buttons to push to make the other blow up like a stick of dynamite.  You'll purposely shut the refrigerator door on his fingers and he'll bust you into tomorrow as payback.  I usually stand there not quite sure what to say (because as parents we don't really have the answers...we just make things up as we go) and then play referee until the next battle.

At the end of these days...I lay in my and Rustin are usually both sound asleep in your rooms.  My throat starts to swell, and my body stiffens  because I realize how limited this time we have together is.  I usually jump straight out of bed and dart across the house as your Dad asks..."What in the world are you doing?".  I lay next to you both in your beds.  I gently push your hair  back and kiss your sweet foreheads and freckled noses...holding on tight because I know it won't always be like this.

This morning started off like it always does.  Rustin was up early and you were too shortly after him.  The rain was about to start coming down outside and we were staying home.  I made donuts because our mornings at home are rare and we normally don't have time to bake from scratch on a weekday morning.  I was on the phone, you and Rustin were screaming over I'm not sure what, and Charlie was going crazy in his crate. After the batter was finished and the donuts were weren't a fan of them....

...but you did love the pink frosting we dipped them in.  At least I could rest assured knowing Rustin loved them. Let's be honest...if sugar is a main ingredient he won't turn it down.

Just as we started cleaning up,  you put Charlie outside.  Before I could get soap in the sink, you were back inside shouting that Charlie had dug some tiny bunnies out of the ground.  They were scattered on the porch and in the yard.  I knew we couldn't leave the rabbits on the back porch until Daddy got home and I knew I couldn't bare to scoop them up myself.

 I offered to pay you $5.00 for every rabbit you could rescue and put in the field next door.  You were awesome.  We were a team..we said a prayer for each bunny and told them how much fun they'd have with Autumn and Blue if they got the chance to go to heaven.  Then we got to that last bunny.  That poor last squeaked and twitched as you went to scoop him up. Thank goodness we got him back in his bunny hole...I love how tender your heart was as you fretted over whether or not he was o.k.  We both realized he wasn't going to make it and we gave him a name, "Squeaky" and a proper place to rest...complete with a cross made from sticks.

After we made it back inside, you told me that you really did like the donuts.  I'm not sure if this was true or if you just wanted to make me feel good after everything we had both just experienced.  Either heart is full.  One day you will make an excellent husband for a very special lady....but for now I'm savoring the moments we are sharing together.

 I love that this place mat we ate donuts off of this morning reminded me of that.

 I'll never forget this morning.  Oh and  you didn't let me forget just how much money I owed you for doing this tough job. I couldn't ask for anything more than what God gave me in you...I am so very grateful.  I love you to the moon...and back...over and over again.