Work, Play, Eat, Sleep, Repeat. That is my life this week. A routine that is most people's normal and really nothing to complain about. Here is our struggle...we are going through an early dose of the terrible twos. Do you ever say to yourself that tomorrow is a new day and it can only be better than today?
I hate using the word hate, but I hate the phase we are going through. I tell myself it is just growing pains, but I can't help from feeling like everything is a fight right now. You are not supposed to fight with your 21-month old, right? He is supposed to love you unconditionally and obey whatever command you place upon him, right? It is entirely plausible that things seem this way to me because I am 7.5 Months pregnant, surging with hormones, and my patience wears thin anyway. I am tired, my back and feet hurt, and Ryder has gotten strong...strong willed and strong armed. I get so upset with his behavior and then I feel terrible. I have to remember that he is not even two and most of his frustration comes from not being able to tell me what he needs.
He has a few code words which I can interpret. Matt calls it "Ryderese". However, when I can't interpret the "Ryderese" to English, he gets so frustrated. When I don't let him eat straight out of a tube of toothpaste, he gets so frustrated. When I don't let him get in the shower right after he has been dressed for the day, he gets so frustrated. When I tell him Dog Food is yucky and then dig it out of his mouth, he gets so frustrated. When I tell him to stay out of the refrigerator, he gets so frustrated. When I tell him we can't go outside because it is 104 degrees, he gets so frustrated.
Let me pause for a quick interpretation: So Frustrated = Tears Flowing, Back on the Floor, Legs Kicking, Arms Flailing. Getting the picture? The frustration bout even occurred in public today, when I made the mistake of finishing my workout and picking him up from the "Y" just as he was getting in line to go outside. Really, really embarrassing moment when he kicked the sweet lady who had gone to fetch him for me. I feel like I spend most of my time saying "No" or "We need to sit in the corner until we can behave nicely" or popping his little hand. I feel like he spends most of his time frustrated with me for all of the above.
For all of these not so good moments, there are even more great moments. I think I sometimes just get so bogged down on the bad, that I forget to focus on what an awesome being he is. He makes everyday worth waking up for. I can not imagine life without him and the beautiful smile he shows us everyday.
My friend Mary made an excellent parenting post earlier this week and it was really the dose of medicine I needed. You should all take the time to read it. God definitely has a plan, I just hope it includes some reassurance. Some reassurance that I am doing the right things. That I am raising a little boy who will be respectful, who will know the Lord and have a relationship with Him. A little boy who will love those around him...even when all we seem to do is shovel out tough love.
He is sleeping like an angel right now. We had a long morning at the Y, playing in the gym at our local Activity Center, checking out Books at the Library and eating lunch with friends at Chick-fil-a. I pray that he is an angel when he awakes and that God gives me the strength to be the best Mom I can be to this little man.